Random Thought: I just wrote this up after reading an entry of someone else's. I didn't ask if I could. It's just my opinion. However if the person to whom's blog I'm linking happens to see this and is annoyed lemme know and I'll friend it only or remove it. It's ultimately really about me anyway because EVERYTHING IS. ;)

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A friend of mine...well he's really more a friend of a friend, went through something really shitty recently. He openly blogged about it, so I'll just provide a link.

I've only met Sean aka zombietruckstop once, though House of Pie will live forever in my heart. And anyone who's met his husband (SQUEE! husband!) adores Matty... But first, I'd like to tell you a nice story about him.

2006 was a very bad horrible year for me in my personal life. I'll spare the rehash, suffice to say that like all very bad super lousy things, there was also opportunity there to better myself, opportunities I availed myself of. I leaned and leaned hard on friends. I made it through.

That summer I was taking a math course which was kicking my ass. It had been a long year. One of my very best friends was coming out to be in a movie. (Sean's movie...if you haven't guessed). I've lived in Southern CA since Christmas of 1979...I've been on television more than a few times. I had a radio show once. (Okay, a college show, but STILL!). I have absolutely no aspirations to ever be in that 'industry'. I've no stardust in my eyes...my cousin is an actress, I know other people who've been in that industry...and it's hard work. Brutal.

My friend (darke for the nosy) was going to be in the movie, and it had zombies. ZOMBIES I KNOW! So geez...to be a zombie? Okay that's pretty cool. Plus I'd meet some other people I only knew online and ...it sounded like just the sort of fun I needed.

I don't think I ever had strep throat as a kid. I asked my mom and I think she said no. I can't remember now. What I do know is the week I'm scheduled to go down there and be a zombie...my throat almost literally swelled shut. (They might be locked now, but I have some neat-o pics of that I posted).

I felt horrible. Not just with the throat thingy. No, I felt like I was letting people down, this was Sean's project, his own money and I said I'd do it...and I wasn't there. My role was super duper minimal (or I wouldn't have wanted to do it) but still, if you SAY you're going to do something...plus one of my bestest friends was in town. And did I mention ZOMBIES for fuck's sake?!

I felt like a jerk.

I got an email every day for a week. I was rescheduled into various parts every day for a week.

I couldn't do it, I was too sick.

Those e-mails didn't come from Sean, they came from whomever he had organizing the extra people/props. (I don't say that to disparage them but really if I was going to be anything more than a prop someone was in for a saaad surprise). But while I'm so very NOT Hollywood, I do know a little about the industry and if you're not showing up, no one is going to bend over backwards for someone who's essentially a prop unless someone asked 'em to. Kinda like in any other job or thing in the world, really.

It was extremely kind, gracious and generous, from someone who was putting up his own personal money to do his film. And it's one of my regrets in life that I wasn't a part of that film, even as a prop. I was really tempted to go there near the end of the week when the swelling reduced so that I felt like I could breathe without choking...but if I had brought plague to the set I'd have never forgiven myself. (And I'd have had a lot of people really mad at me :) ).

Divas...there are a plenty. Diva moments? Hell I think we've all had one. Does that apply to him? I'd have to say I can't believe it. And it's not just based on me meeting him once, or my experience (such as it was) with Socket. It's also what I've heard through dozens of people.

Throwing a shit fit because your hard work is being put out there with your name on it in a fashion which doesn't even come close to adhering to your standards? Ohhhh yeah I could see that. I could DO that. I'm anal as hell when it comes to MY STUFF. I can't imagine how much worse it would be to see it slaughtered live, in front of loved ones, friends and assorted press people. I'd recommend hari kari for a similar experience, with a laugh track.

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So what's my point? Most of you reading this won't be bears, and won't be Hollywood and other than it being an interesting story...what's the point. Well, I was thinking about it. And beyond feeling really badly for Sean who I think is getting some kicking around he REALLY doesn't deserve and that makes me very sad because I think he's a helluva guy...I was thinking of course thinking about ME.

Because after all, we're all stars of our own private show, as some dead bard once wrote. And not to sound too preachy and shit...how often have I jumped to conclusions based on a very limited slice of what I've seen of someone?*
*Shhh it's a rhetorical question

Hahaha oh yeah. FAR too often. Granted...sometimes it's SO true. I wonder though how often I've wronged someone, maybe a good person, by snubbing them without knowing the full story? Once would be too many times.

I think about my life, and overall...I think I'm a pretty good person. I try, in any case. I try to care about others, to do good, to not do harm, and to make life easier for as many people as I can, because it's hard enough for all of us. Yet...I'd hate to be judged by anyone by some moments out of context. And I have been. I think everyone has been. And the more we try to explain, the bigger hole we feel we're digging ourselves.

There's probably a word for the feeling, but I feel that sense of hotness, that 'oh no, but...no you don't understand...listen...' when I read what Sean's going through. And in reality in the big scheme of things, it's probably not a BFD...I mean, anyone who really knows the guy for more than two minutes has to realize that in an industry that can sometimes be super crappy...he's one of the nice guys.

But jeez does it suck.

Me? I'm just walking away with the idea that next time someone I don't know that well does something to want me to prompt talking shit about them or defriending...maybe I'll wait a minute and get the whole story. Or what's more likely since I don't do that dramafest when I see other people doing it, I'll be the ever popular voice of reason (*snicker* cause people LOVE that!) and ask them to kindly lower the pitchforks and hear them out.

Oh and go read his entry for his play if nothing else. I found it difficult to stick with at first, but I was glad I did. It's funny, quirky, and I liked it. And when you think about the parameters it was written under...well damn.